NaPoWriMo 22: Shedding

I am upset, because I am bad at not wanting you.

I have tried, mind you–
New diverting hobbies
Coffee with other people
Sex with other people
Relationships
And all these things I always
eventually
shed like a skin
and my lust for you remains
a constant thriving thing
pulsing warmth into
the new skin growing beneath

I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment
when you sunk to those places inside me
that cannot be removed
without uprooting bits of
attached flesh,
tissues of the deep kind–
not the thin, flimsy layers
I scratch off month by month
while trying to claw down to the itch beneath.

I wish I could
(during our inevitable relapse)
wrap my legs around you
fast enough,
cum around you
tight enough,
that I could hold you within me
and not release you
until you’re willing to dig around
find the wanting you left in me,
and take the goddamn thing with you.

just…

please, please,
I want you
in
or
out
but not this aching thing
in between–
get it out of me

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